Getting involved in queer discourse: A hesistant hot take
Posted 01 June 2021You know, I really didn't want to have to do something like this. I mean, come on! It's the first day of pride month! We should be celebrating! And, yet, here I am, at 13:00 on the 1st of June, having to write up a blog post calling out what I see as shitty behaviour. Good going. So, yeah. What's happened this time? Well...
Let me just say first that I will not be calling anyone out by name here. This is not about individual people here, but what they're doing. I may not have much of (or even any) audience, but I don't want anyone who may read this to use this as an excuse to go harass someone or otherwise try to start their own harassment campaign against these people. Seriously, if you do that, you're a piece of shit. Also, the entire reason I'm writing this is that these thoughts were echoed by a friend of mine, and while I want them to see this and seriously consider it, I'm hesitant to call them out directly because I kinda sorta really don't want them to be mad at me. (AvPD, eh? Ain't it something?)
Okay, enough waffling about. Let's actually talk about what the fuck we're here to talk about: the way older queers interact with younger queers, especially with regards to one particular behaviour that pissed me off this morning: talking shit behind their backs in completely unproductive ways because a younger queer did a thing they didn't like.
Let's talk about the particular thing I saw, eh? So, someone decided to make a new pan pride flag. Now, admittedly, the basis for this was... questionable? Like, I see where you might want to do it, but at the same time, I personally don't necessarily agree with their assessment of the need for a new one. But, that's neither here nor there. So, new pan flag because they felt the creator of the old one (or, rather, the creators of the old ones) were problematic. And, as happens with younger queers, there can be a bit of a desire to do away with alternatives they find problematic. If the creator of the old pan pride flag was a lesbophobe who supports kink at pride (and, of course, you don't support kink at pride), then something you tend to see among younger queers is the belief that, since the creator is problematic, the flag itself must be problematic, and therefore we must make a new one and stop using the old one.
It's at this moment I'd like to go ahead and address a few things. One, I can neither confirm nor deny that the creator of the pan pride flag doesn't like lesbians, and I'm really not concerned about kink at pride. Yeah, sure, there should be spaces at pride for those who want nothing to do with that stuff, but there should also be spaces at pride for those who do want to interact with that stuff. But that's not what this post is about, and I have no plans to properly write a post about that. Enough's been said already. I have nothing new to add. But, yes, so I'm not here to say whether these allegations are true and valid. That's besides the point. Two, I'm also not here to say that this instinct to throw away things with a problematic creator is valid. I just want you to understand the thing which is causing backlash. Personally, I'm still undecided on how valid an instinct it is myself, though I do tend to lean away from it in a case like this. Finally, and probably least importantly, can we just say how bad the proposed alternative is? Like, if you wanna make an alternative that you feel better fits you, I wholly support that. I've dabbled in pride flag making myself, I get it. But you can't just tweak the colours a little and flip it upside down. You're hardly accomplishing anything that way. (And, yes, this is a criticism that can also be levied at the sunset lesbian flag. Take a good moment to realize that I use a very particular sapphic flag in my headers, not the sunset lesbian flag, then go take that criticism to someone else.)
So, back to the topic at hand, and to finally get to what's brought me here: There was backlash. Of course, there was. Tell people, "Hey, this thing you like is problematic and you should stop using it," and of course they're not gonna like you. But, as per the usual, I'm not convinced this backlash comes from a place of sincerity. I mean, hell, at least when the thing at stake is a piece of media, it could come from a place of sincerity. This is over a fucking flag!
So, instead of me continuing to ramble in way that will probably just piss people off, let me cut straight to the chase: if you think the younger queers are handling this whole queer thing wrong, tell them to their fucking face instead of yelling about them behind their back. You are helping no one by yelling to your usual audience about how "Oh, they treat it like a fandom!" (whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean) or "Oh, this is them doing ingroup/outgroup stuff!" Instead of just bitching about this shit to your usual audience behind the backs of all these people you're yelling about, how about you, oh, I dunno, explain to them why this kind of thing, in your opinion, is bad.
You know what you're doing when you do this kind of shit?! You're fucking solidifying a belief in their mind that "See, older queers don't know how to let go of problematic things, and therefore, really shouldn't be trusted to be the ones handling this stuff." No younger queer who does whatever it is you're pissed about is gonna see you bitching about them and go "Oh, they're right. I am being ridiculous." They're gonna look at you and go, "Well fuck these people, am I right? Stupid bitches can't handle being told not to use a fucking flag."
And keep in mind that I really can't stand tone policing. It's not gonna make two licks of difference to a nazi whether we're nice to them or not. They're gonna wanna kill us either way. But when you're dealing with members of your own community?! Maybe you should consider not being a bitch to them, eh?
And, also remember that you aren't right about everything. Listen, I'm not going to sit here and tell you they're in the right. I really won't. But, I'm also not going to sit here and tell you they're in the wrong on this either. This is a complicated issue, and it deserves some finesse in how you handle it. But, at the same time, you can't just sit here pretending you're 100% correct about how to handle this issue and they're 100% incorrect about how to handle it and therefore they need to shut up and let you go about your day (when no one had specifically called you out in the first place). This is a complicated issue, and instead of bitching about each others views about it behind each other's backs, you need to deal with it like the fucking community you are.
So, anyways. There's my hot take of the month: Stop talking shit about younger queers behind their backs for views you find ridiculous. Explain to them why you think their views are wrong or unhelpful or whatever, and if they still don't see things your way, remember this a community with a wide range of viewpoints in it. You're not gonna agree on everything.
Anyways. Whew. Pride month hot take over. Now I can get on to more important things, like being gay on the internet. Happy pride, everyone!
Keywords: Hot takes, Queer shit